MALLEYMAN

‘Fight and you may die. Run and you’ll live… at least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom!’ William Wallace

I have to be honest, that never sounded like a good trade for me. Run and you’ll live was clearly the better option. Die… for what? Freedom… what do you mean by that exactly? I’d need more details, the terms and conditions, like.

Stirling’s famous monument stands above the fields where William Wallace led his troops to victory at The Battle of Stirling Bridge in 1297.

And the fields where the Touch Senior Championships take place in 2025.

Stirling’s battle is sometimes referred to as the First Scottish War of Independence. This is somewhat dubious. As we know, nationalism and the concept of the nation-state only really emerged around the end of the 18th century. In the time of William Wallace, Scotland didn’t have a football team. Shortbread was in scarce supply. The Proclaimers wouldn’t release a single for about seven centuries. There was no Trainspotting. Andy Murray hadn’t won Wimbledon but neither had anyone else. Presumably the Loch Ness monster was around, but there wasn’t a tourist shop at the lake where you could buy Nessie merchandise.

What I’m suggesting here, and I’m obviously not the first to say it, is that the film Braveheart may have included certain inaccuracies.

MARRIAGES OF CONVENIENCE?

I have never liked the residency rule in rugby union and how Irish rugby has possibly taken advantage of this more than any other northern hemisphere nation in the past few years. Many Irish fans have no problem with it if it makes the Irish team better.

I don’t like the fact players would decide to come up from the southern hemisphere as a career decision, having been offered a lot of money to play for let’s say Leinster or Munster and at the end of three years they could represent Ireland, a place many of them would have no family connection to and certainly not a country they would have dreamed of playing for up until this point. I’ve heard people say what a sacrifice it is for them. Is it?

I blame the Irish rugby union and the rules of World Rugby rather the players. I find it a bit hard to get excited about the Irish rugby team sometimes.

Here’s what I think international team sport should be about. We represent the best of our tribe and we go full on against the best that your tribe represents. And afterwards when the final whistle goes we have respect for everything the other brings and maybe we even learn a bit more about each other and what makes the world of humans diverse. If what you’re representing is a career move, it’s harder to exemplify that.

As it happens, my favourite Irish athlete of the last nine or ten years is Sanita Puspure, a rower born in Latvia who moved to Ireland in her early twenties because her husband moved there to find work. She worked in a shop for a while as she raised their two young children and slowly got involved in the Irish rowing system. I would never get tired of talking about how great I think she is.

So, maybe in a world where people are ever more mobile and less rooted to a place, we need to rethink things. Maybe ideas of nationhood and the nation state are becoming more nuanced and we need to have positive discussions about how we can manage this in respectful and positive ways.

So, anyway, that’s a long-winded way of saying that, as a Touch career move, I’m playing for Switzerland in this tournament, not Ireland.

Wait, let me explain… Nah, you’re probably right. I’m the type of craven hypocrite who’d run from the field and leave his Braveheart companions to fight and die in his wake. Look at the brazen smile on me in the picture. No shame.

Senior Touch Championships

Game 1 vs Portugal

I can play for Switzerland in this tournament because it’s not fully capped. It’s almost like the old ‘B’ caps in football.

Physically, my preparation for this tournament was worse than any I’ve ever played in. Two young children and for a chunk of the last month, three hours commuting to and from work didn’t help. I came in on a hope and a prayer.

Portugal were exactly as I expected them to be. Athletic, fast, good ball skills and passing, lacking in Touch specific skills. Even though they did score a couple of good Touch tries at the start. I think they might have been 3-1 up at one point.

I was chatting to them afterwards. As the game went on, they started to make things easier for us. Their drives to the box and out of the box lacked structure and they began to get up to our try line less and less. That takes such pressure off you as a team if you’re getting the ball back just inside your own half. You don’t have the stress of defending on your own line and now you can get a good attack set up on their line.

I played pretty well considering where I was coming from. Scored two and made two, one with a left-handed long ball to the wing. I surprised myself. I should have scored with a dive to the line which I fumbled. That’s such bad technique. I was annoyed with myself.

I had gotten into some ‘verbals’ with a couple of the Portuguese players. They were taunting me when I fumbled the ball. I was pretty calm inside as we were winning and I was thinking they were more likely to let it affect their game than me.

At the end we all shook hands and I had a kind of laugh with them. Which was as I expected. Anger in Mediterranean countries tends to flame brightly and pass quickly, followed by warmth. I like that.

Won 8-4.

GAME 2 vs IRELAND

A week ago, i was missing out sleep and thinking I feel surprisingly good. In the last couple of days before the tournament, I was on my own without the family and I finally started preparing like I normally would for a tournament. Sauna, swimming, massage. I had an extra gym session that was purely for ego not for any physical benefit it might give for the tournament.

Warming up for the Ireland game, I was exhausted. Everything was an effort. The lightest warm up jog. I’ll have to rely on adrenaline, I suppose. Not the first time. I had plenty, a bit too much at times.

On paper, I thought Ireland would be stronger than us. But if we were competitive, that’s what I hoped for. I know pretty much everyone on the Irish team, played with a lot of them last year in the World Cup. The challenge was emotional as well as physical.

So, I got forced subbed for talking back to the referee. Only, my second time ever. I didn’t say too much, just ‘Ref!?’ in a displeased tone. And gave him a stare. Bit harsh but fair enough. I know when I’ve been away from playing and I come back in I always think I’m really calm and in a good place mentally but that’s when I tend to react more. And I was pretty hyped up.

I wasn’t too happy with how I played until probably the last ten minutes. Then I did a couple of good things. Didn’t get to attack much. There was some good play and some really poor basics on both sides I think. I enjoyed it. I like the other team as players. And I felt gratitude to my own teammates that we put a performance together. The chances are that we’ll meet each other in the semi-final on the last day.

Lost 10-7.

At the end of the Ireland game, I was as empty physically as I think I ever have been after two Touch games. I’m hoping tomorrow is better. I feel like Primoz Roglic, coming back from injury, trying to ride himself into form in the first week or two of the Tour de France this year so he could hopefully be strong at the end. I didn’t quite work out for him but you can only do what you can do.

Tired as I was, I guess I must have tried hard so that’s something I suppose.

Later, I had a look back at the video of the game with some trepidation, fearing how bad I’d look. It was somewhat reassuring. The things that I thought I did well, I did. What I thought was less good was less good. My footwork in line defence was really poor which used to be my forte. That’s an immediate focus to improve.

Back in the university apartments afterwards, tired and sore, as I stripped off at the end of a long day, thinking about what it all means and what I felt about the game, I smiled at something I’d forgotten. Under my Swiss gear, I was wearing a pair of sweaty, sodden green underpants.

I never doubted myself. FREEDOM!!!!